I love to fail. There I said it. I am a full blown pessimist. The glass is most definitely half empty. In fact the desire in me to fail is so strong, so oppressive that it is almost palpable.
For several months I have been on a weight loss journey. During that time, I have learned a lot about myself. One of the most poignant lessons I have learned is that success scares me. Not just the jump out of the closest scare either. We are talking Night of the Living Dead, Freddy Kreuger, and that weird clown from Poltergeist all rolled into one.
As ridiculous as that sounds it’s true. As I went through a few weeks of plateauing, it was so discouraging to see the number either staying the same or minimal changes, but oddly comforting at the same time. Of course we both know why I was seeing minimal changes. It was the snacking here and there, “tiny bites” from my kids’ plates, “testing” the meals as I prepared them.
In my head I’m screaming to myself, “If I eat this, am I getting closer to my goals or further away?” but then quickly silence that good angel with “It doesn’t really matter, it’s just a bite”. I had to sit and ask myself, “Do I want to get closer to my goals?” Do I really? Or am I self-sabotaging because I can’t let myself succeed? The answer was yes on all counts. While I truly want to achieve my goals I have become comfortable with failure. So comfortable, in fact, that I’m afraid to win. A wise man once told me (okay it was my husband) that failure is not a bad thing as long as you learn from it. Most of my life I have been missing the key component to winning – instead of learning from failures, I have become comfortable wallowing in them. Oh the freedom in knowing it’s ok to fail! Just learn to change direction and try again. Yes, I can be a fit mama!
As is true with most circumstances in life the enemy knows us well and he knows how to make us feel defeated. He wants to keep us defeated because that means our eyes are not on Christ. When we feel defeated, we wallow in self-pity, we are keeping our focus on ourselves. But we can have victory in Christ. 1 John 4:4 says, “He who is in you is greater than He who is in the world.” I must continually remind myself of that truth.
If this is you sister, if you look at every challenge as a terrifying excuse not to succeed, look to our heavenly Father. He is on our side. Remember John 10:10 and Let’s live lives of abundance, shall we?