About 5 minutes after my son had left for work I get a phone call from him. In the world of texting getting an honest to goodness phone call from your 17 year old usually means something bad has happened. Mother’s intuition was right once again. He was indeed in a car accident. Thankfully no one was injured, but our poor van was in pretty rough shape.
Amongst all of the phone tag with insurance companies and scrambling to find us a rental car to fit our large family, I started to have fear creep into my heart and mind it sounded something like this. “You know the van is probably totaled, and you totally can’t afford to buy a new car right now. What are you going to do? How are you going to survive? This weekend is such a crazy weekend. Why this weekend? Why not another time because you know there are definitely better times to have accidents. How is this all going to work out? This was not in your plans for this weekend.”
I think we’ve all been there when fear takes hold we start making things a much bigger deal than they need to be. Fortunately, my husband is so good in those time because he, being the logical one, breaks each one of those things down instead of lumping them all together and usually talks me down from my ledge.
Unfortunately, the next week we got word that our van was indeed totaled. Needless to say, this again was not in my plan. I was perfectly happy driving around in a vehicle that was paid for. It meant much more to me than they would ever pay to replace it.
I have known for a while that we needed to upgrade into a bigger vehicle due to the size of our family, but I admit I have been less than excited to take that plunge. I am upgrading to a “church van” you know those white 15 passenger vehicles that every church, daycare, and shuttle service use. Yes, those vans. I have officially arrived at the large family status. I now need a bus to chauffeur my children around.
I had my eye on a more acceptable 12 passenger vehicle that gave me a speck of coolness left, but of course, that vehicle was out of my price range.
After all, this was not part of my plan. I had a plan not to have a car payment. I didn’t plan for this whole incident to happen. I had a plan that when the time did come I was getting the “cool” vehicle and it for sure wasn’t going to be white.
As my plans were crumbling, it left me fearful and angry. Like a child when they don’t get what they want shaking their fists and throwing tantrums. Of course, I was doing the more acceptable adult version of such things complaining and just miserable to be around.
I decided it would probably be best to just leave my house for awhile and go to my “paddle board” if you don’t know this reference go read my blog post about Surrender.
God is so gracious. In the midst of throwing my tantrum and doing battle with the Lord in prayer a song came on the radio. A song that I have heard hundreds of times before and that honestly I was sick of and never really did like. But this time, it was like the Lord was talking right to me.
The lyrics to the song go like this,
“And when you’re tired of fighting chained by your control. There’s freedom in surrender lay it down and let it go.”
God is saying, “You are trying to be in control stop it and surrender. I know that you aren’t happy that your plans are not working out, but I got this.”
“So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held.”
Again the Lord saying, “I know this seems really big right now, and you’re wondering how it’s all going to work out, but that’s where I want you.”
“Your world’s not falling apart; it’s falling into place. I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held, Just be held.”
He is comforting me with, “I’ve got this covered let me carry you. I totally have this taken care of.”
“If your eyes are on the storm, you’ll wonder if I love you still, but if your eyes are on the cross, you’ll know I always have and I always will.”
“Christine, You have lost sight of what is truly important.” says the Father.
“And not a tear is wasted in time; you’ll understand. I’m painting beauty with the ashes your life is in My hands”
He says, “My timing is perfect. I knew this was going to happen, and it’s going to make you trust me even more.”
“Lift your hands, lift your eyes In the storm is where you’ll find Me….Come to Me, find your rest”
My Father gently reminds me, “I knew this was going to rattle you, but I also knew this was going to grow you. You grow the most through the trials.”
After crying many tears in prayer to God, I got that peace. This whole process wasn’t about a car. The ordeal was just another lesson in trust and surrender.
The Lord has shown himself faithful in providing far above just our needs. He kept my precious son safe through the accident as well as provided the means to get the new vehicle that will fit our growing family.
So, Friends, I’m going to drive my white full size 12 passenger van around with pride remembering that the Lord is trustworthy and faithful. What an awesome God we serve.