Mom, do you feel like you are losing control of your children? Are you constantly repeating yourself? Are you frustrated and overwhelmed?
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my home is a war zone. I feel like I’m walking onto a battlefield every morning. It’s thoroughly exhausting. In a parenting class many years ago our pastor told us “We don’t negotiate with terrorists.” Sadly, I’ve been finding myself doing more and more of that a lot lately.
When we find ourselves in this situation, we have two options. We can either take cover and pretend everything is alright or we can face the “enemy” head-on.
If you find you are constantly repeating yourself, out of routine, or wondering what your kids are doing with their time, you need to go back to the basics.
For years I have held to a conviction to allow the Lord plan my family. Currently, we have a one-year-old and by this time I historically would be expecting our next child.
I need, to be honest, I’m in a battle with the Lord right now. For many reasons, I believe that I want to be done with childbearing.
Life is chaotic.
I’m growing weary of having infants.
I’m ready to focus on having older children and doing fun things that sometimes you can’t do with littles.
I want to enjoy “retirement” someday.
I want to have time left with just hubby and me to enjoy “single” life.
There is an adage, “You never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul.” Recently my husband and I were in Los Angeles. He had work to do so I thought I would go and spend some much needed quiet time away from the din of the homestead.
In some of the down time, we had an opportunity to go exploring in the city. We walked around Hollywood enamored by some of the stars represented there on Hollywood Boulevard. We went down to the Venice canals and walked around looking at homes that seemed to come right out of the pages of a magazine.
About 5 minutes after my son had left for work I get a phone call from him. In the world of texting getting an honest to goodness phone call from your 17 year old usually means something bad has happened. Mother’s intuition was right once again. He was indeed in a car accident. Thankfully no one was injured, but our poor van was in pretty rough shape.
Amongst all of the phone tag with insurance companies and scrambling to find us a rental car to fit our large family, I started to have fear creep into my heart and mind it sounded something like this. “You know the van is probably totaled, and you totally can’t afford to buy a new car right now. What are you going to do? How are you going to survive? This weekend is such a crazy weekend. Why this weekend? Why not another time because you know there are definitely better times to have accidents. How is this all going to work out? This was not in your plans for this weekend.”
As of late I’ve been noticing a pattern in my life. I am a control freak. I never saw myself as such. I like to think of myself as pretty laid back.
Recently, I went away on a retreat where I had time just to sit and relax. This relaxation in and of itself was hard for me. While, I have no problem sitting still, even then my mind is working. I’m usually listening to or thinking through something. On my retreat, It was next to impossible for me to shut off all of the voices and just sit and talk to the Lord with no timetables or todos.
In the day to day of life, there are a lot of demands on me. Whether it be my husband, children, house, or outside commitments. It’s hard to settle in and find room for rest. What I realize about myself is that I’m afraid to sit still and hear from the Lord. I’m comfortable in the “busy” of life.
Can you relate?
Preparing to leave home for a week of quiet time and personal reflection, I was asking God what was I meant to do? I know I have been called to be a mother and I do love that job, really I do. However I have also been crying out to God for another outlet beyond motherhood.
There is a part of me thinking “Is there something on the side that I can do that gets me re-energized?” I asked God to show me because I seriously have no clue what that is. I see in other people a zeal for a hobby, a job, or interests that I just don’t have.
My prayer, “Lord, show me how to get that.”