Lately, the Lord has been dealing with my heart. He has particularly been rooting out the sin of pride. Pride is something I had never thought I struggled with, but then again does anyone honestly believe they struggle with pride?
Pride can be one of those pesky sins. It manifests itself in a variety of ways some obviously so, others are not as much. Clearly, we have all met that blatantly, obnoxiously high on themselves person. You know the type. But then there is also the pride issues God has been showing me in myself also, the fear of man.
What, you say? How is that pride?
I have made a real effort to tackle fear lately. I’m tired of living in fear. For a long time, it was something I never even realized that I struggled against.
Fear manifests itself in many different ways, fear of man, fear of outcomes, fear of heartbreak, fear of success, fear of failure. But the root of it all is trust.
Trust in that God is who He says He is. Trust that He will do what is best for me not what I want him to do.
Do you ever feel like you just aren’t good enough? Do you ever feel unequipped to do the job of mothering? Has the Lord been calling you to do something and you are afraid, and you find yourself making excuses as to why you are not able?
Guilty as charged.
If you are like me, there are times when I question whether I am fit to be a mom. It is such a high calling, and I constantly feel like a failure in it. I struggle with feeling inadequate. I fight with the Lord in my own heart telling Him why I am ill-equipped for the job of being a wife, mother, writer, podcaster the list goes on.
I have recently been reading about Moses. If you are unfamiliar with the account of Moses you can read it in (Exodus 1 – Joshua 1). After fleeing from his homeland, God literally showed up in a burning bush to tell Moses that he wanted him to deliver the Children of Israel out of the hands of Pharoah. And what was his response?
I love to fail. There I said it. I am a full blown pessimist. The glass is most definitely half empty. In fact the desire in me to fail is so strong, so oppressive that it is almost palpable.
For several months I have been on a weight loss journey. During that time, I have learned a lot about myself. One of the most poignant lessons I have learned is that success scares me. Not just the jump out of the closest scare either. We are talking Night of the Living Dead, Freddy Kreuger, and that weird clown from Poltergeist all rolled into one.
Preparing to leave home for a week of quiet time and personal reflection, I was asking God what was I meant to do? I know I have been called to be a mother and I do love that job, really I do. However I have also been crying out to God for another outlet beyond motherhood.
There is a part of me thinking “Is there something on the side that I can do that gets me re-energized?” I asked God to show me because I seriously have no clue what that is. I see in other people a zeal for a hobby, a job, or interests that I just don’t have.
My prayer, “Lord, show me how to get that.”